First up on this outing is one we have all heard of in our city. I mean that as figuratively as I can, as in any city. This is Alcoholic Man. Imagine robbing a bank and being confronted by this guy. He has beer and he’s far from sober. He’s one badass dude! If he actually beats you, the sad fact is he won’t remember it in the morning. Not sure how his fighting skills will be considering he’s half cut, but he is, well, err, hmm. You all remember Popeye the Sailor? Yeah, you remember this guy. He was one ugly looking dude! And he was fighting another really ugly dude for the right to win some really ugly dame. That’s not the point I was going to make though. What I was going to say was that Popeye was just a normal dude with a speech impediment who became super strong after he had a can of spinach. Spinach in a friggin' can? I ain’t ever seen that! What was also interesting was the many ways he got that can of spinach into his mouth. What was cool was his ‘eating spinach’ music. But I’m ranting away over here! Need to get back on subject. One dude uses spinach to become super, the other guy uses alcohol to become, well, intoxicated. Intoxication as a superpower? In this case I’m guessing so. What happens if he sees a pub? I suppose the same thing might happen to Popeye if he walked past a spinach bar? Really? They actually have places like that? I reckon it would be very cool. Ice hot, you could say. Stealing that line from "Doctor Who". Watch the McCoy era, "Paradise Towers".
Next on the list is one that will offend the culturally sensitive among us. My apologies to you. This is Irish Man, the superhero that everyone needs. He’s violent, drunk and has potatoes. I don’t know what he’s doing with dem potatoes. Is he cooking them? Is he throwing them at the bad guys? I want you all to notice I haven’t thrown any bomb jokes in here, because the Weasel is a sensitive guy. This superhero is similar to Alcoholic Guy, but different. This dude is hardcore. He drinks Guinness and starts the drinking at seven in the blimmin' morning! He is also a much better fighter when intoxicated. What would be awesome if he could manifest his own leprechauns, but alas that’s not one of his abilities? No, it’s not. He’s also a pub fighter. I’m not sure how many of you esteemed fans know about pub fighting, but it is like no other form of fighting. It involves bar stools, throwing a dude into a jukebox and lots of fists to the face. I mean a lot.
Last on my list and he maybe the best. I fear I may be going over my time for this blog, but I want to say this. The last lame superhero is Bathguy. Don’t be fooled by the name, because it’s just a ploy. This dude has NEVER taken a shower. He stinks, his house stinks, his whole life is a rat-infested poohole. The bad guys are repulsed by his stink, as are the cops, really. I wonder if this guy can command the rats in the sewer, like how I wished the Irish Man could manifest leprechauns, I don’t think it actually happens. If the bad guys put a hose on this dude, then he’s in trouble. “Not the water and soap! NOOOOOOOOO!” “Haha, this will get 'em. We’ll give this dude a bath. He will be powerless.” Um, we could just shoot him. Bad guys aren’t the smartest dudes around.
Anyway, that is the lame superheroes all done and dusted. That was quite a stretch, really. Didn’t think it would go to two blogs worth. Kinda went on about Popeye for a bit there. I like to rant. What can I say? I’m a ranter.
My next blog will be worth the read, I assure you good ladies and gentlemen of that. Hopefully it will be written very soon! I write most of these entries in my weekend from notes I keep in a notepad when I’m out and about. Taken a while to write this one as my notifications from Facebook keep distracting me! Ah well, all is good in the end. This blog is done, ready to send to Duckman and I can get on with other more important things like enjoying another New Zealand sunny day.
Have a good one followers!