Hello everyone.  It's that time of the month again, and no, I don't mean THAT time of the month.  I mean it's monthly recap time!  Let's see what's been happening during September 2014...

At the beginning of the month we revealed the tracklists for the upcoming Gosney albums/singles.  We assume you're all excited about them.  So much, in fact, you've all been unable to leave a comment expressing your joy, due to this high level of excitement... (seriously though, you guys should comment on our blog more often).

The final 4 chapters of Forbes' story, "Angels & Demons - Rebellious Nature" were released.

Gosney's "Free for a Fee" single (from the album, "The Brother of Hell") was released on the 13th (you'll see a pattern with the release dates...), concluding the number of singles from that album, making way for the next one in October.

Forbes introduced a concept called "Duckwars", which is an interesting take on a "Planet of the Apes"-style scenario.  Rather amusing, if you ask me.

During all of this, Forbes filled us in a bit on a story he is currently writing (possibly wrapping up as I type this blog).  He also revealed some plans we have in mind for the rest of the year.

I released for the first time ever, the full movie-length video for the "Expressions Talent Scan 1998", which is the only live performance of my old band, Supertrip, to be caught on video.  It also includes other performers.

The website had a page of memes added, where we upload memes that were created by us and no-one else.  There's only a few there at the moment, but give it time.

A second blog page for Forbes was added to the website for the sake of avoiding confusion over who's posting messages.  It is now easier to see whose work you are looking at.

In one of his first blog entries on the new page, Forbes expressed his opinion on Scotland's attempt at independence.

He also blogged about being blissful at your job ("Workgasm"), and went on to talk about U2's recent marketing methods.

Forbes' politics-related blog posts continued up until just after NZ's election day, which was on the 20th.  The finale of his political posts, named "Aftermath", gave us a detailed look at how things work and what actually happened during this election, briefly mentioning where he stood on the matter.

My blog on the topic, however, leaned more towards my personal opinion rather than the overall operations of politics itself.  While being a very serious blog topic, I did my best to insert a taste of comedy in there to lighten the mood a little.

Towards the end of the month, Forbes gave us some insight on the backstory of Gosney.  Particularly the original ideas behind albums and songs he wrote.

Finally, Forbes wrote a blog about being a pirate.  Have a read.  It's lovely.

That's how September rolled out for us here at SDP.  We'll do this again in a month's time!  Here's to an eventful October.

Hello everyone.  Here it is as promised - the one, the only, the political blog regarding New Zealand's election results for 2014.  If you're a personal friend of mine on Facebook (liking my Duckman page doesn't count), you will already know how I feel about the end result of the election.  For those of you who aren't, and don't know my position, may the fact that I'm cranking up Megadeth's "Countdown to Extinction" album as I compose this.

If you haven't caught up on Forbes' blog about the election, it may help you understand the background of the 'situation'.  I say it's a situation because I feel things have gone too far in some areas of the topic.  We'll get to that shortly.  In the meantime, if you feel you need to be briefly schooled in New Zealand politics before continuing, listen to Jon Stewart's comments on "The Daily Show"...

Alternatively, you can read Forbes' blog at the link button below.

Now that you're up-to-date, here's my bit.

First and foremost, I am not a politically-minded person.  Never have been, never will be.  I feel as apathetic as a lot of people in this country (and around the world) about the selection of leaders (spare a few), but I do have an opinion on who is better than the low-lives who have been running the show for the past 2 terms (which is 3 years in NZ as opposed to 4 in the US).  Never really understood most of the policies involved until recent years, especially after joining one of the workers unions.  I've paid more attention to the news in the last few years than I've watched my "Transformers" DVD collection, and if you know me well enough, that's a bit of a shock.

Upon turning 18, I had the dreary task of being eligable to vote.  The few news stories I did see in the 90's regarding politics worldwide gave off the impression that middle-aged presidents from overseas like to get down and dirty with their interns, while female prime ministers in this country sound more manly than the actual men in parliament.  So, I had very little knowledge to go on when I got started.  To put the icing on the cake, I just went along with whoever my mother was voting for at the time, which is obviously a very blind approach on my part.  I would've studied the policies and went from there, but coming from a guy whose personal record for absences in a single class during high school is 106, I don't see much in the ways of paying attention.

I voted a couple times after turning 18, but there came a time where I became one of those infamous non-voters.  That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I used to be one of those people.  But as I said, I started paying more attention in recent years.  I have seen the light.  Unfortunately though, that light is currently in a room at the back of the house with no windows, as the very thing I was aiming to vote against somehow ended up winning this year's election regardless of my contribution.

As Forbes mentioned in his blog on this topic, I do tend to sway towards the left.  I'm all for looking after the little guy that often gets trampled on by greedy, wallet-sucking vultures who have more on their plate than they're supposed to.  Speaking as one of these little guys, I know who I'm supporting.  That might sound selfish to some of you, but that's not my intention.  Not only do I struggle at times, but many others like me as well.  I'm certain that they voted for the same party as I did, or one of the other lefties.

In the past month or 2, there was a book by the name of "Dirty Politics" released by Nicky Hager, a New Zealand investigative journalist.  The book reveals a lot that was said behind closed doors and via e-mail correspondence between John Key (and/or other National Party members) and a blogger named Cameron Slater.  Let's just say that what was said has been compared to the likes of the Watergate Scandal...  I haven't read the book personally, but what I've seen of it so far is enough for me to be even more of a leftie than I already was.  If you can track down a copy, by all means give it a go.  Take it from someone that's barely read more than a paragraph or 2 and yet still recommends it.  You're in for a bumpy ride/read.

The book was released some time after the scenario behind John Key's vendetta against Kim Dotcom (which kinda lead to a retaliating vendetta in the end), and the raid on his mansion here in New Zealand.  I don't remember much happening immediately after the raid, but it all built up to Hager's book.  It all started getting interesting from there.  Enough for even a law-abiding anarchist like myself to pay attention.

Then came Kim Dotcom's "Moment of Truth" at the Auckland Town Hall a mere 5 days before Election Day.  He was joined on stage with the head of the Internet Mana party (well, the Internet Party side of it), Laila Harré, Glenn Greenwald (an American lawyer, journalist and author), plus online live video appearances from WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, and Edward Snowden himself.  Sorry, I didn't get the name of the other guy on the panel.  The evidence that came up about such topics as the TPPA, GCSB, etc, were both surprising and not surprising at the same time.  In other words, I knew what was going on in the background was bad, but not to the level that it is.

However, the "Moment of Truth" somehow got brushed to the side after all of that.  Despite the evidence revealed, the entire event was viewed (by right-wingers and their media puppets, no doubt) as focusing on Kim Dotcom's 'agenda' against the National Party.  A lot of people did (and still do) have concerns over what the likes of Snowden and Assange brought to the table, but I feel that it has also been largely overlooked.  And I feel that the end results of the election 5 days later are an example of this.

I still don't fully understand why it swayed in the opposite direction to how it was looking up to that point.  Maybe it was rigged?  I don't know that, but it wouldn't surprise me.  As you would imagine, watching the numbers creep up in National's favour that night disappointed me greatly.  For the first time, I actually thought the words, "What is wrong with this country?"  I don't mean that to offend anyone.  Needless to say, I was having a bad night.  Spending 9 hours on my feet before the event didn't help either.

Oh, by the way, despite the results of the election, people are already complaining about some of the policies that have come up.  The topic of the New Zealand flag changing being one of them.  This has come up a few times before the election campaigns even started, and even then the majority of the public have said no to it.  But now that National is still in power, they're bringing back that old dead goat?  It hasn't even been a week yet...  I don't want to sound like one of those people, but if you were one of the eligable voters that kept them in parliament, then you brought this upon yourself.  You knew who you were dealing with.  It's a shame, really.

Speaking of voters, I would also like to mention the quantity of non-voters this time around.  There were many 3 years ago, leading to National winning its second consecutive term.  This year wasn't much different, I think.  The numbers may have been different (or indifferent, in their case), but I don't do statistics on this topic.  Either way, there was close to about a million non-voters out of a population of around 4 or 5 times more than that.  If you're a non-voter and you're reading this, we have you to thank for this year's results.  Remember, if you don't like what's going on in this country lately, you could have (and should have) made a difference.  If we head down the highway to hell, you'll most likely be dragged along for the ride with us, John Key at the steering wheel, while you bang your head on the many potholes we have to offer in my local area.

Sorry to sound like a whining old fart.  I've been wanting to get this off my chest for 5 days now.  I feel better getting it out (I hope I don't have a power cut or Internet failure before posting this...).

So, that's basically it.  Another 3 years of the same old crap from the same old people...and I do mean old.  That's another thing - there's not many younger generations in politics at the moment.  Maybe there should be some new faces...literally...  Don't get me wrong, there are certain 'older' politicians that aren't too bad, but I think a lot of the reasons why some people are indifferent towards politics is because there are a lot of young people in this country, and they want to look up to someone they can relate to on a personal level.  I totally get that, even though I'm in my 30's.

That'll do for now, I think.  This topic has been done to death these past few months.  I was sick of it building up to the election.  I'm sick of it now.  May the next election be a more fruitful one in the end.

In the words of the late and great Freddie Mercury in the Queen song, "I Want it All"...

"Here's to the future, for the dreams of youth."

Over and out.

Hello again!

Just informing you all that the website now has two (2) blog pages!  One for me and one for Forbes.  This doesn't mean anything negative, mind you (there's no place for segregation here!).

The reason behind this move is to avoid any confusion you may have as to who's posting these messages.  Sure, most of the time we sign our names at the bottom, but there are times where we may be too lazy even to do that...or perhaps our time limits are short...yeah, go with that one.

As for our past entries, they will all remain in the old blog (which has become my one).  I don't have the time or patience to move it all to their rightful places.  Besides, doing that will screw with the timestamps and you won't know when we posted them originally.  Best to leave them alone, I say.

From now on, all blog entries from Forbes will be at the new blog page (at the top of the screen, or via the button below).  As usual, all posts regardless of which blog is posting it will all automatically be sent to our SDP page on Facebook and my personal Twitter account (including Forbes' updates).

If there are any posts that represent us both, it may end up on this blog OR his, depending on the subject matter.

Ciao!

Good evening everyone.  Just letting you know that we have a new page on the site.  "Memes"!

Plain and simple, really.  We raid a meme generator website and inflict it with our own sense of humour.  After which we upload them directly to the page so people know who made them (we hope - give us credit, people!).  There are already a few on the new page, so go have a look!  Click on the link button below.  Alternatively, you can find it in the menu at the top of the website page.

Hey there everybody!  It is just me, you know, the Weasel!  I have some more info, I guess.  People love information and I love giving it.

I am currently putting the finishing touches to a medieval story that is titled "An Unusual Case", and it’s rather long so will take a while to run through online.  I hadn’t planned on making this an online release, but have decided to let it go this way, just because.  Sometimes life doesn’t have to make sense.  Sometimes things just are.

The new idea for my next story came to me today as I was at work.  As an amateur writer I sometimes have flashes, and those flashes can inspire me towards an idea.  Today I had one of those flashes and it was awesome.

This flash came in the form of one word and that word was 'pokerface'.  Yes, you heard or saw me right.  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how this whole Internet thing works.  Am I writing you a letter that you’ll read at another time?  Am I talking to you like a speaker in a conference?  I dunno.  I get really confused and then I’m asking the cat for advice and that never goes well because the advice always leads to drinking.

What was I saying?  Oh, that’s right.  Pokerface.  Yes, the word that will lead to a story, hopefully.  One can always hope.  I saw that word today in some magazine or book.  It doesn’t matter where I saw it just that I saw it and that led to a vison of a master criminal.  Think Batman-style.  He will take over a city, probably Gosney (not the music project).  If he’s a master criminal then he will face a master superhero, or superheroes.  I have three lined up so far.  Weaselmask, a man in a suit with a mask of a weasel.  His superpowers are yet to be decided.  But he will be cool, more of a hand to hand fighter, I’m thinking.  Next is Duckforce, a man in blue spandex with chest armour to match the spandex.  His powers will be more traditional.  Maybe something do to with the water so I can connect him to a duck?  Yeah, it’s a stretch but I’ll work on it.  The third is an old favourite of mine.  This was a superhero created by my old friend Tim Wood, and I’ve made adjustments to him over the years.  He’s called Spiderface, and he’s kinda like an activist version of Spiderman.  His powers are more celestial, more like an atheist angel, you could say.  I want to add more superheroes, make this like an avenger’s kind of thing.  Pokerface is gonna be one tough duuuuude to bring down and will need a team dedicated to this goal.  I have a couple of ideas but I need to ratify things before I give anything away.

Will keep you guys up to speed. Peace out.

Weasel

Howdy!  This won’t be long, I assure you of that!  I thought I’d give you a little heads-up about what I’ve been up to and it really hasn’t been all that much.  I’ve been writing some blogs, which have been kindly uploaded by the wonderful Duckman from time to time, and ranging in different subject matter from randomness to actual issues, such as politics.

I have been working on completing a short story, but it’s been hard work.  Writing has been difficult for the past six months or so.  The ideas are still there but the ability to make those ideas flow onto paper, so to speak, has not been as easy.  But I am trying.

Duckman and I have not been doing much collaboration, I’m sorry to say, and we’re both to blame on that.  The reality is we are both adults with busy lives, and what was easy ten years ago is significantly more difficult now.  I have used the word difficult quite a bit, so we will make that the word of the day.  In the beginning we would meet up twice a week and do stuff and things would be great, fantastic, but now there’s work, family commitments, social commitments and other projects that keep us from finding the time.  I don’t say this as an excuse, but more to try and explain the ‘difficulties’ in making a venture like this work.  We are still doing stuff, but in our own individual capacities.

I am hoping between now and Christmas we will be able to put some material together and provide a release schedule, which would be nice.  The time frame is tight, as Duckman traditionally shuts down for a while between Christmas and late January/early February.  That would give us just under four months?  Yes, that sounds about right.  Most likely we produce the material and hopefully start a release plan around March?  That would be my preferred plan in any case.

It’s interesting how time flies by without realising that is what’s happening.  I have my current story - a crime/action medieval short story, which should be ready soon-ish.  I plan on trying to get a few together by Christmas.  I hope that both Duckman and I can put together a small surplus of material - i.e. blogs, stories, reviews, etc - and be able to release some material over the majority of that ‘vacation’ period.

Well, that’s all I really have to say for now. There are some cool ideas in the mix and I’m sure you’ll love what we come up with. So until next time, stay cool amigos!!

Weasel

Hello there!  It is I, the Weasel from the land of nonsense here to brighten you day once again!  Today I am thinking about a lot of things, but the most prominent thing rattling around in my head is this idea I’ve had for a number of years.  That idea is more of a story type of an idea that I call "Duckwars", and it is totally awesome.

I go running a bit.  It’s a good way to keep in shape, well better shape than I might be in if I didn’t run, ha!  Anyway, when I go running I do a bit of thinking.  It’s one way to get your mind off the crippling pain of exercise.  But I digress.  Let’s move on.  I usually run along the beautiful banks of this wonderful country and I saw a group of ducks.  I thought to myself, “Ducks are awesome.”  I also thought to myself, "What if these ducks were in a war and that war was called the Duckwars?"  So, yes I’m completely nuts and I think ducks are pretty cool, and I will be that crazy duck guy down by the river with the crusty bread calling out to them.  I will be the dude that you will be avoiding like the plague...or is that plaque?  No, it’s plague.  Yes, I’m sure of that.

So, this story/idea of mine involves a lot of ducks, as you can imagine.  I imagine the ducks are the dominant species on earth in a post-apocalyptic version of this world.  They have also been mutated by radiation to an extent that they look 'humanic'. Humanic is something that I just came up with.  I’m adding it to the dictionary.  The few surviving humans rise up against the ducks.  I know what you’re thinking.  You're thinking this sounds a lot like "Planet of the Apes" and that I’m just ripping off one of the classic movies of all time, and that Charlton Heston should find me and shoot me in the face with one of his many, many guns.  But I never said that I actually wrote this story, and in my defence I didn’t want to get on the wrong side of Mr. Heston.  That guy is one scary old dude.  Is he still alive?  I have actually no idea.  But he is old, that much I am completely sure of.  I just had an idea for a story that is similar to something that had already been done, and I think ducks would be a much cooler animal to take over the planet than bloody monkeys.  Ducks are awesome.

Nope, this isn’t a long piece.  Just wanted to share something that was on my mind.  I know how much you enjoy my banter and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of something that brought so, so much pleasure to your lives.  If you reckon I should write this story, let me know.  If enough people give me the motivation, I will do it and lock my door so Old Man Heston can’t get to me.  Might give him Duckman’s address!  Hahaha!!!


-Weasel-

So, me and the dentist, you know, the campaign manager for the Dudeman Party and the #2 guy on my party list were sitting at a café in Christchurch drinking coffee and arguing about our policy release…  Policy.  Erm, yeah.  Well, we actually got kicked out.  When I say we were throwing ideas back and forth, I really mean we were throwing chairs back and forth at each other.  The dentist had a whisky flask full of… erm, whisky, and he poured it into our coffee so we were drinking it Irish-style, and then we were arguing and laying into each other Irish-style.  Well, the dentist was taking the hits like an Irishman.

So, we were sitting on the curb bleeding, sore and still wanting to beat the hell out of each other, but the dentist said that might be a bad idea since a large crowd was looking at us.  I suggested I could turn this into an on the spot get to know the candidate type of thing.  The dentist didn’t think that was a good idea considering how bruised and bloody were were.  So, I just told the crowd to vote for the Dudeman Party and me, and the dentist just limped away to his car.

The dentist is continuing to crunch the numbers and reckons our café intense meeting didn’t hurt our image as the people’s party, even though we can’t go back to that particular café.  I have to say the health system is quite cool as both the dentist and I got patched up very nicely and I was able to get a few nurses numbers.  The dentist was uneasy about this as he reckons this isn’t a good look for a wannabe politician.  But those nurses were hot and I’m good with woman who are healing my broken body.  I may have been a little drunk when I was hitting on those girls.  Most of them were girls... I think…

Every day on the campaign trail is an opportunity to talk about the party, about our vision and for stress between party leaders to spill over.  The dentist and I have had a few punch-ups and a few trips to the hospital.  He has suggested we get a party doctor.  Someone to patch us up after one of our hardcore debates.  He is worried all these bust-ups and trips to the hospital will affect our family-friendly image.  I suggested that we stop drinking and getting angry and, you know, hitting each other!  He wasn’t sold on that idea, especially the drinking thing.  I think he might have a problem.  I suggested Alcoholics Anonymous, but he punched me and then I threw a table at him, then one thing lead to another and we ended up in hospital again.

But things are going well.  I’m getting out there and seeing the people and pushing my policies forward onto the masses.  Just have to nut out the issues with my campaign manager.


Cheers.
-Weasel-

Hello everyone.  Just a brief update on what's happening with Gosney.

First up, you can now view all of the tracklists and cover art for the upcoming releases!  Check them out at the link button below, or click your way through the tabs along the top of the website via the Music page.

Second, due to an issue that my Internet Service Provider (ISP) has been having lately, there may (or may not) be a delay in the release of the "Free for a Fee" single on Bandcamp.com.  The issue at hand seems to be giving me login issues on that website among other problems.  It's a miracle I got this far into our own website!  Hopefully they'll pull their finger out and get it sorted before they lose too many customers, myself included.

That's pretty much it for now.  Check out the album/single info!


-Jared-

Hello everyone.  It's now time for the first of our monthly recap blogs.  Because this is the first one since we launched the website, this one will cover everything we've done since then.  All other blogs after this one will only cover the month building up to that point, making this one the longest of the recaps.  These recaps won't be as detailed as the blog entries we've posted before, which will help keep them short.  So, without any further delay, let's get to it!

MARCH

The website was launched this month on the 10th.  A request for viewers to switch off (or add the site to the safe list of) their ad-blocker software for the sake of the ad banners we had at the time (we have since disposed of these ads, by the way).

My first non-Trying Stuff food review (Georgie Pie) was posted.

Forbes posted reviews for the first 4 Black Sabbath albums.

We shared our condolences for Mick Jagger and the loss of his then girlfriend, L'Wren Scott, which postponed their New Zealand concert as a result.

My review of restaurant chain, Burger Fuel, was posted.  This was soon followed by a review of the V "Kaboom!" Double Hit Energy Drink.

The first of Forbes' stories, "Investigations - The Lightning Man" had its release.

Finally, I posted my review of the 2014 film, "Mr. Peabody & Sherman".

APRIL

Forbes posted reviews for the following 2 Black Sabbath albums.

It is realised at this point that n-Somnia is still going strong on selected websites.

The rest of Forbes' "Investigations" story is released.

Links to material produced by Gary Fox is added to the website ("No World Order" comic and a "Downfall" parody).

Social media widgets for relevant profiles are added to their own page on the website for people to keep up with the likes of Facebook and Twitter without having to go to the websites directly.

My first 3 music reviews (2 Unlimited, a-ha and ABC) are posted.

A profile page for characters we've created was added to the website.

It is revealed that the website has a hidden 'Easter Egg' somewhere on the website.

MAY

Forbes' follow-up story, "The Demented Department: House for Sale" is released.

It is announced that we have a new YouTube channel and plan on gradually moving all of our videos to this new account over time.

We announce the inevitable release of our "Comic Wit" video, useful info about it and even a teaser trailer.

I re-release my documentary film, "Pilgrim", to the public.

JUNE

A video we made at this year's Armageddon Expo is released after a long delay.

"Comic Wit" finally gets its release.

A slight change in prices for our albums were made on Bandcamp.com this month.

I blogged about spam messages via mobile phones.

A very important message on escalator safety was addressed.

JULY

The return of the "Trying Stuff" series after a year-and-a-half absence is announced, and the first new episode is released.

I get my first ever radio interview as n-Somnia at Pulzar FM.

We commenced working on "The Gosney Tapes", followed by the release of the first single ("Satan's Death") since 2012.

AUGUST

Forbes starts his "Weasel Words" blog series, based on a segment in the later episodes of "Ducksel FM".

The first 5 chapters of Forbes' story, "Angels & Demons: Rebellious Nature" are released.

Gosney's first album from "The Gosney Tapes", called "The Brother of Hell", is released.

We each both posted a blog sharing our thoughts and respects after the passing of Robin Williams.

The next "Trying Stuff" episode is released.

And finally, we announced the conclusion of "The Gosney Tapes" sessions.

So, there you have it!  You are now up-to-date with what we've been up to.  For a more detailed description of all I've mentioned in this blog entry, you can go back on the blog by clicking on the corresponding months linked to the right of the blog messages.

Everything else will proceed as planned as of tomorrow.  Happy reading!


-Jared-

Hello everyone.  Just a quick update on what's going on, and will be going on very soon.

First up, the first week of September will have a few things posted to the website to begin with, but much of the last half will be a little quiet.  The reason?  It's my wedding anniversary week, that's why!  Three years!

With that said, I have lined up a few things for the next few days:

1. On Sunday (31 August), I will be posting a recap of all we've been up to since the website was launched earlier this year.  Once a month after this, I will be doing a monthy recap of the 4 weeks prior to the blog entry.

2. Monday, as usual, will have the follow-up chapter of Forbes' latest story.  Because of the busy week, it will most likely be up around midnight Sunday/Monday (local time).

3. Tuesday (probably 24 hours after I post the story chapter) will have the latest "Trying Stuff" episode.

4. One of those days (if not, the beginning of the following week), I will be posting a detailed blog on what's been going on with Gosney.

With that said, now for a brief mention of the previous item...

"The Gosney Tapes" (pictured above) are officially completed!  All the material (that we were able to salvage) has been saved as audio files on my computer ready to be uploaded to Bandcamp.com.  What's needed now is a selection of cover art for the albums and singles to come.

Speaking of the albums, there will be at least 3 of them!  I have done the math (Calvert would be proud), and have worked out that the final release should be made available well into the beginning of next year.

As it was announced a few weeks ago, there are still a couple singles from the first batch of tapes yet to be released.  It was (probably) mentioned also that the single called "Painbreaker" was to be a non-album track.  However, in the second batch of the tapes we discovered an album of tracks with a different version of the song on it.  This means it will instead be the single that kicks off the release of that album.

That's all I will share about the topic for now.  A more detailed blog about the upcoming releases will follow (as mentioned in #4 above).

The second single from Gosney's "The Brother of Hell", which is called "Free for a Fee", will be released on September 13.  Stay tuned for that one!

I shall return on Sunday evening for the recap blog.  Stay safe!

Hey there!  I thought I’d continue my focus on politics, considering here in New Zealand we’re having our general elections.  You might remember my political party, the Dudeman Party.  Last time we talked about some of this parties policies.  You know, health with my regenerative technology, crime and the Robocops.

This time let’s talk numbers.  I’ve crunched the numbers.  Pretty sure I mentioned that last time.  But yeah, I’ve crunched the numbers.  I’m standing in Christchurch east-south-west-north-central sideways.  I got a pretty good chance of winning that seat.  There’s only one other candidate.  His name’s Brian and he’s a dog.  Hmm, that might be a television character.  In any case, I think I might win that seat and enter parliament.  But there is a question that my campaign manager had raised.  The question of the party vote.  If I get over one percent of the general public to vote for the Dudeman Party, then I could bring a friend into parliament with me!  How cool is that?  I’ve seen what one Member of Parliament can do but imagine what two could do!

But there is a problem and I tried explaining this to the dentist.  That is what my campaign manager calls himself - the dentist - like some kind of big time mob gangster, but I think he’s been watching Doctor Who way too much.  I mean, he calls himself the dentist.  He’s not my dentist.  Haven’t been to the dentist for a while.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic.  I have a problem and I tried to explain this to the dentist.  I don’t have any friends.  What if I get the required party vote and they say, “Ok, you.  Bring three of your mates to the Beehive.”  I’d have to say, “Um, I don’t have any mates.”

That would be hugely embarrassing wouldn’t it?  They might laugh at me.  Maybe they might say that I NEED to bring three people with me and I would have to go outside onto the street and try to talk people into coming with me to the capital.  I suppose I could bring the dentist with me.  He’s a cool guy and he’s working really hard.  I also suppose I could bring Duckman, but I don’t think he likes politicians, so that could be weird.  I’m not sure he’s a big fan of my policies and it could be problematic getting him to support funding for my big black dildo policy.

Anyway, I’m really excited to bring more of the vision of this party to the public and get people behind it, but in a good wholesome way.  Not in the old man at the park kind of way.

I might talk more on our policies in this next volume.  I think you all might like that.  I got a lot of positive feedback from the policies we released.  Well, the dentist told me that it was positive and he doesn’t lie to me. He’s my campaign manager! He’s all good! Well, unless you need work done on your teeth. I made that mistake once. He’s not a very good dentist.

Weasel

Howdy there folks!  Hope everyone is having a grand ol' time.  I’d do a smiley face but you can’t really do that kinda thing in this blog, which is disappointing.  I like doing things like that all the time!

Anyway, the reason for today’s rant, or talk, is politics.  Right now in New Zealand we’re having our general elections to decide who shall form the executive for the next four years.  I won’t be going into specifics here because I think I rant about who I think should or shouldn’t win is rather boring and I don’t believe in forcing my political opinions upon others.  But what I shall do is talk about a dream of mine.  I have devised a political party.  It’s not registered, I don’t have the necessary five hundred paid up members or even any members whatsoever, but I do have a vision and I think you might like it.

My party is called the Dudeman Party.  It’s a party for the people by the people, and the Dudeman Party has a vison of awesomeness for the country.  Considering certain political parties do a lot with but a single member being representative in parliament, I thought why bother with other members?  I can do this by myself!

You are probably thinking to yourself, "What are your policies?  What do you stand for?"  These are good questions and I will endeavour to answer them to the best of my abilities!

We stand for awesomeness and all that inspires awesomeness.  I’ve crunched the numbers with Calvert and we are pretty sure that our numbers stack up.  I got the papers to prove it.  Graphs and everything.  It’s like an episode of Doctor Who.

In health we will make regeneration technology and heal people from all diseases.  The technology is there.  We just have to make it!  This will cut down on hospital stays, which means less beds and less hospital food which everyone hates!  I’m sure you have some very obvious questions.  You will be asking how this regeneration technology will be developed.  The next time The Doctor visits us we will ask him to give us the technology.  I will bake him some cookies.  Cookies are good.

Education, I feel, is in a good place and not much is needed.  But maybe we need to develop some cranial data transference devices to help those losers catch up with the winners.  Let’s make all the children winners.

Policing should head down the Robocop direction.  Lets make some kickass cyborg dudes to take crime down hardcore.  This would include awesome guns and the ability to smash through walls.  That would be rad.  The courts would be abolished.  Lawyers to be killed in bonfires.  The Robocops would dispense justice on the spot.  As they would act as judges and executioners there would be no appeals and no sentences.  Crime, I believe, would go down and repeat offending just wouldn’t happen, obviously!

I recognise these policies may seem radical to some, but I think most rational people would support my line of thought.  Nothing I have suggested here is impossible, really?  I think everything I have put forward would make this world of ours a great place to live!

Look for the Dudeman Party.  It’s a one-man show.  Well, I do have a horse and a donkey and there used to be a giraffe, but after a drinking session things got out of hand and there was an ‘issue’ that I legally can’t speak of.  My lawyer won’t let me.  In fact, he isn’t a big fan of my crime and policing policy.  I think it’s the whole burning the lawyers thing.  Ah, well.  You can’t please all the people all the time can you?

-Weasel-

A little over a day ago, I (Jared) found out about something I had trouble believing at first.  My wife, Aliesha, was checking her Facebook account when a news article showed up in her news feed.  As she expressed a feeling of shock through the means of a saddened noise, I looked over at the screen.  The first thing I said was, "That better not be true..."

But alas, after looking around the Internet for confirmation (starting with Snopes.com), I learned the sad truth.  Legendary comedian/actor, Robin Williams, had passed away of a suspected suicide.

I haven't really said much about how I felt about the news.  The most I've done until now is change my profile and cover photos on my private Facebook account to a screenshot from "Hook", and a sad Genie from "Aladdin".

I found out that the news was true through 2 very reliable sources - Lisa Jakub and Mara Wilson.  Lisa played the role of his oldest daughter in "Mrs. Doubtfire", while Mara played the youngest.  Both have left the acting profession since and have their own blogs (you can find links to these at our Links page).  The messages they posted on Facebook were enough for me to know it was the real deal:

Lisa: "Sometimes, there are no words."

Mara: "I am very sad, very confused, and probably not going to check social media for a while."

Needless to say, this cast a gloom over the day (and most likely a number of days, to be honest).  Robin Williams was (and still is) an inspiration in the world of comedy.  His role on "Mork & Mindy" was the first thing I saw as a child and I was very much amused.  Later I would see his films, such as "Jumanji", "Mrs. Doubtfire", "Aladdin" "Patch Adams", "Hook", "Jack", "Flubber" and more recently, the "Night at the Museum" series, "RV: Runaway Vacation" and "World's Greatest Dad".  His guest appearance on the American version of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" is one of my overall Top 5 episodes of the series.

The list goes on.

Parts of my own comedy and acting is directly influenced by him among many others.  For that I am very grateful.

What gets me though is the whole suicide thing.  It makes no sense to me as to why it came to this, especially when it's someone as full-on and energetic as Robin Williams.  At face value, you wouldn't expect someone such as this would be capable of doing it.  But that just goes to show that you should never judge a book by its cover.  Even the happiest person in the world has their own issues.  Give me the name of someone that doesn't have a problem.  They can have a cookie.

The topic of suicide can be a little taboo at times, and the same goes for depression.  I feel that it's because there's still a lot of misunderstanding and/or a complete lack of understanding overall.  Take my word, this topic should never ever be overlooked.

If you feel that the world is on your shoulders and that everything is too tough for you to handle, please do NOT give up on hope.  Suicide is never an option, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

On the flipside, if you are concerned about someone you may think is having problems, whether it be showing on the surface or deep down, don't be afraid to help them.  Quite often, talking is a great way of doing so.  Trust me, I've had experience in this a number of times...

If you're not sure who to talk to or what to talk about, there are still ways to help out.  It could be an activity or something like that.  Also, where there's a lack of things to say, there is plenty of room for good, old-fashioned listening.

There are also some helpful people you can call over the phone if you're in need.  I don't know all of the phone numbers for the helplines in your country, but there will definitely be ones available in your local phone book.  It might take a few minutes to look them up (the Internet is useful for this), but there is always somebody at the other end of the phone line standing by.

The same goes for those who want to help people with depression.  If you're not sure what to say or do for those who suffer from this evil thing, you too could call the same helpline for some handy advice on what you could do to contribute towards saving lives.

This is the longest blog I've done on this site (and in my life), so I shall wrap things up here.  I hope you're all well and are doing OK...and I seriously mean that.  You are awesome.  Remember that.

Much love from us all to you out there, especially to those who have been touched by the life of Robin Williams over the years.  We are mourning with you.

Rest in peace, Robin.  We will miss you.

Howdy all you wonderful people!  I know how much you enjoy my ceaseless ranting about things, so I thought I’d rant some more!

I was chatting online as we all do, and I was talking about my world plan for domination.  I mean, we all have one of those.  Mine involves a guy named Gary Fox.  I’m hoping that you all know who I’m referring to as Gary is an artist that we associate with on our website.  And as you are all good little rabbits you have visited his page and checked out his cool artwork.  If you haven’t, then I am going to put you over my knee and I don’t mean in a sexual way.  I mean in the 1950’s "You’re in big trouble, mister" kind of way.

But I am getting off track here and I really shouldn’t.  Your time is valuable, my time is valuable, so I should just get down to business.  My plan for world domination.  The thing is I didn’t really have one until I started going on about it earlier on today, but I am incredibly imaginative and I like to freak out Gary Fox.  He knows one day I’m going to do stuff to him he just doesn’t know when or where.  Hahaha!!  Diabolical is what I aim for.

The plan comes in stages:

1. Kidnap Gary Fox.  I will probably do this when he’s at home.  I don’t really want witnesses.  Plus I will be dressed up as a woman to seduce him.  This isn’t really necessary but I like women’s clothing.

2. Build an army of militia.  As an all-round bad guy and all my knowledge of bad guys comes from watching TV, I need a team of highly trained badasses to do what I say.  Now, mind you, I don’t want the kind of bad guys from the 1960’s "Batman" series.  You know, the ones that Batman and Robin used to beat up rather easily.  My team have to be able to take down rich guys who want to dress up and have powerful toys.  I want my team to be able to beat these guys up with ease.

3. Build the world’s biggest black dildo.  This really speaks for itself, don’t you think?  But I am really bad at building things so I will need to get a scientist.  You know, someone good at building and creating large sexual objects.  I mean, this thing will be as big as the Taj Mahal!  It will require 1.21 gigawatts (just thought I’d throw a "Back to the Future" reference).  Oh!  Wouldn’t it be cool if this dildo that’s the size of a building could travel through time?  That would be awesome but it’s not a prerequisite for this plan, but maybe after I’ve dominated the world for a while I could travel back to Napoleonic times and do some stuff.

4. Get Gary Fox to draw it.  This isn’t essential, but I don’t want Gary to get bored while he’s locked up.  Maybe Duckman could spend some time with him for a while.

5. Turn the dildo on and see what happens, hehe…

6. Nothing happens because I got the scientist on the cheap!!  NO!!!

7. The combined militaries of England, France, Russia, China and America overcome my militia and I get arrested.  This isn’t how I thought this fantasy plan of mine would turn out.  I have been watching waaaaay too much "Roadrunner".

Hmm.  As the saying goes, I guess its back to the drawing board.  I think I might ponder on this for a bit and get back to you.  Hope life is treating you folks well

Ciao!

Forbes "Weasel" King.

Alright, sitting here listening to my favourite band, Klank, and getting clearly worked up about a lot of things, but let’s stay focused if we can.  But "Stomp You Out" has come on the playlist so, well, we’ll see.  I was out running the other day and I saw a truck with the company name ‘Treecorp’ on the side with the image of a tree behind it.  Really?  Treecorp?  I know what this company is - a dude cutting down trees or the branches.  A corporation is a multimillion dollar business with lawyers on call, vice presidents, and corner offices.  You get the general idea.  It is not a dude in a truck with a damn saw cutting down trees.  What gives some overweight, over-the-hill, bearded, dirty and bordering on alcoholism the right to think that their company is a corporation?  It is not a corporation.  It is a one man operation.  A dude wakes up in the morning and thinks, "OK, I have a saw and a van, cool.  I can create a corporation out of that.  Easy."  Is the 15-year-old who helps him out in the school holidays the freaken vice president?  Is his corner office in the back of the van?  What kinda perks do you get with a company like that?  Key to the bathroom?

I mean really.  Some people live in complete delusion.  A cold hard case of what Rowdy Roddy Piper would call a reality check is needed.  Don’t get me started on politics.  I could be here all day going off about what I think is wrong with people, but I will say that there is a lack of common decency in the political system and I also think it will never change.  New parties come to the forefront and promise to deal with the issues and say that they understand the issues and understand the voice of the people, but this is a lie.

I could go on about the quality of current affairs shows in this country of mine, but that would be pointless.  Last night I saw that the main story on a current affairs show was about a bird competition.  Yes, you read that right.  A bird competition.  Really?  Birds?  Who really cares?  I mean, birds are cool, but to have a competition featuring them seems loco.  And they have like a hundred judges for this thing.  Please excuse me while I shoot myself in the face.

This is why I don’t watch a lot of this type of thing.  Although, there are some that I do like.  The family/community minded current affairs doesn’t interest me at all.  Kind of like the friendly talk you get from the power companies as they charge you a small fortune for the power that you use.  Is it just me or is it becoming difficult to justify existence within this model that is modern urban living?

Then there is the situation in the international scene.  That is more screwed up than anything we are seeing in our own country.  Like the rebels that shot down that plane.  A plane that happened to come from the same airline that lost a plane four months ago and still hasn’t been found.  The whole situation has blown up in Russia's face and there is a certain humour to that.  Not for the families, and I feel for them, I really do, but there is a larger picture here.  The Russians armed the country for insurrection and the international community cared but not enough to do anything about that.  Then these ass-hats, untrained jerk-knobs decide to shoot down this plane full of Europeans.  The Russians have egg on their face because they created this environment.  Things will now happen because innocent people have died in the civil war that the Russians have instigated.

Getting a little too serious?  Yeah I agree.  Let’s talk about the Commonwealth Games!  It’s like the Olympics but without any of the big hitters.  No Americans, Chinese or Russians.  Basically, it’s a chance for the Queen of England...oh wait, the Scottish are still a part of her empire or whatever, and so it’s the Queen of the Commonwealth.  Commonwealth?  Really?  Is there an average wealth percentage within all of these countries that include some African states?  Really?  I think not.  I think these games are a joke, but I don’t really like the Olympics, so yeah.  But at least the Olympics has everyone.  What kind of world sports event has only half the countries that would usually be at a world sporting event?  But I suppose it’s a chance for other countries to win something.

Right, rant finished.  Whether you agree or not makes little difference to me.  Read or don’t read, do or don’t do, there is no try?  Whatever.

Peace, my homies.  I’m out.

-Forbes "Weasel" King-