Good evening everyone.  Just letting you know that we have a new page on the site.  "Memes"!

Plain and simple, really.  We raid a meme generator website and inflict it with our own sense of humour.  After which we upload them directly to the page so people know who made them (we hope - give us credit, people!).  There are already a few on the new page, so go have a look!  Click on the link button below.  Alternatively, you can find it in the menu at the top of the website page.

Hello there!  It is I, the Weasel from the land of nonsense here to brighten you day once again!  Today I am thinking about a lot of things, but the most prominent thing rattling around in my head is this idea I’ve had for a number of years.  That idea is more of a story type of an idea that I call "Duckwars", and it is totally awesome.

I go running a bit.  It’s a good way to keep in shape, well better shape than I might be in if I didn’t run, ha!  Anyway, when I go running I do a bit of thinking.  It’s one way to get your mind off the crippling pain of exercise.  But I digress.  Let’s move on.  I usually run along the beautiful banks of this wonderful country and I saw a group of ducks.  I thought to myself, “Ducks are awesome.”  I also thought to myself, "What if these ducks were in a war and that war was called the Duckwars?"  So, yes I’m completely nuts and I think ducks are pretty cool, and I will be that crazy duck guy down by the river with the crusty bread calling out to them.  I will be the dude that you will be avoiding like the plague...or is that plaque?  No, it’s plague.  Yes, I’m sure of that.

So, this story/idea of mine involves a lot of ducks, as you can imagine.  I imagine the ducks are the dominant species on earth in a post-apocalyptic version of this world.  They have also been mutated by radiation to an extent that they look 'humanic'. Humanic is something that I just came up with.  I’m adding it to the dictionary.  The few surviving humans rise up against the ducks.  I know what you’re thinking.  You're thinking this sounds a lot like "Planet of the Apes" and that I’m just ripping off one of the classic movies of all time, and that Charlton Heston should find me and shoot me in the face with one of his many, many guns.  But I never said that I actually wrote this story, and in my defence I didn’t want to get on the wrong side of Mr. Heston.  That guy is one scary old dude.  Is he still alive?  I have actually no idea.  But he is old, that much I am completely sure of.  I just had an idea for a story that is similar to something that had already been done, and I think ducks would be a much cooler animal to take over the planet than bloody monkeys.  Ducks are awesome.

Nope, this isn’t a long piece.  Just wanted to share something that was on my mind.  I know how much you enjoy my banter and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of something that brought so, so much pleasure to your lives.  If you reckon I should write this story, let me know.  If enough people give me the motivation, I will do it and lock my door so Old Man Heston can’t get to me.  Might give him Duckman’s address!  Hahaha!!!


-Weasel-

As we continue to mourn the loss of Robin Williams, we shall move into something in the comedy section of the website (I'm sure it's what he would've wanted).  We bring you yet another episode of "Trying Stuff"!  Forbes has posted a lot of material lately, so it seems fair that I fill in the gaps somewhere.  The beauty of pre-recording material to share at later dates!

In this episode, Aliesha, Gary and I taste 4 sodas from a brand called "Always Ask For Avery's", but these aren't your average soda flavours (or are they?)...

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present to you the first "Trying Stuff" episode since 2012!  In this one we have our first ever food-only selection consisting of candy by the Swedish Fish brand, and something called "Box of Boogers".  Sounds yummy already...

Please note that this is not Season 3 of "Trying Stuff".  As mentioned a while ago, we will no longer be releasing episodes as seasons.  Instead it'll be a stand-alone episode whenever the time feels right.  More freedom that way (speaking of which, hope you had a safe Independence Day, 'Murica).  The first 2 seasons will remain as they were released though.

The rest of the episodes we filmed the same day as this one will gradually be released as the rest of the year goes by.

I got an interesting text message today.  At first I thought it was my wife, maybe my mother (they're the main people who text me most days), but I was wrong.  It took me by surprise at first, but then it turned into the feeling of being very annoyed.

The number that sent the text was unknown, but it doesn't stop there.  It came from a completely different country!  In New Zealand, our country code is +64, but this message came from +44, which is the UK.  I have no friends over there that have my mobile phone number.  They're all in my Facebook friends and that's how it'll stay (unless I happen to be over there).

Here's the message I received at 12:44pm local time, typed exactly as I read it:

Congrat!Your mobile number was selected as a lucky winner of £1,500,000.00 on UK LOTTERY Draw with Draw number 626404. Email rberth091@gmail.com for claims

First of all, I never entered any form of lottery recently, and neither have I in my entire lifetime.  I may have bought a ticket once or twice from a New Zealand Lotto counter, but that is all.  Obvious spam is obvious.  Secondly, do they really think I'll fall for this trash?

So, before I added them to my phone's blacklist, I thought I'd have a little fun with it and respond in kind (if kind is the right word to use in this case).  I said as follows:

You must think I'm a special kind of stupid by claiming that I entered a lottery which, by the way, doesn't exist.  Take my number off your database & bugger off.

To whoever you are that sent me this message, I'm insulted that you'd try to outsmart a comedian.  You should know how dangerous that is to your morale.  All you'll get out of it is a major kick in the gut.

Everybody else, do not accept any 'offers' from the phone number +447554588716.  Show them who's boss instead.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anything in between, we at Stuffed Duck Productions are pleased to announce the arrival of our earliest available film recording.  A film that was made in 1998 during Jared & Forbes' final year at high school (particularly the final week).

This film was originally intended to be a comedy sketch show (think shows like "Not the 9 O'Clock News", "Alas Smith & Jones", "Hale & Pace" or even "Harry Enfield & Chums".  It was written sometime in the middle of 1998, possibly August/September, and the filming took place in December.  The end result, however, was not exactly what was written on paper.  Only 2 sketches were filmed (one of which was deleted as it turned out to be crap), before the rest of the film went in a completely different direction altogether...especially when the duo were joined by their mutual friend, Warren Constable-Brown.

In 2008, Jared & Forbes decided to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the video by taking the best audio bits from the video and created an album version.  A soundtrack, if you will.  Included on this album was a commentary of the video where the duo sat and watched the video while recording themselves.

For a long time as the duo made their online presence known from 2007 onwards, this project had been mentioned many times, but due to a lack of required technology, they weren't able to produce proof that this ever existed.  The soundtrack was one thing, but actual visual proof was needed.  They didn't have this...until the 2014 teaser trailer...

The final 2014 version of this video runs for 41 minutes.  It is mostly left as it was on the videotape, but only a few changes have been made.  The outtakes are available separately.  A commentary version is also available, and uses the forementioned audio track from the album/soundtrack from 2008.

Today, nearly 16 years later, the final product is here!  So without any further delay, we bring you...

"COMIC WIT" !!!

Hello everyone!  Just an update on how things are going with the post-production editing of "Comic Wit".  So far so good, actually!

I've just finished the first draft.  In fact, it's rendering into a saved movie file as I type this!  But before any form of the film (except the trailer) makes it online, this video file will be passed on to Forbes at the next best opportunity so he can have a look at what I've done with it.  If he approves of it, this so-called draft will then become the final version and then a release date will need to be decided upon.  However, if he feels as though it needs a little something else added to it, it will remain a draft and an updated version will be worked on.  Seeing as most of it is done now anyway, this process shouldn't take very long.

In the meantime though, here's a few things about "Comic Wit" that you should probably keep in mind when you get to see it...

1. There have been some title cards and credits added.  Obviously, this technology was unavailable to us in high school, so it seems appropriate to give it this sort of treatment.  There are also the occasional subtitles here and there, but not for every bit of dialogue.  That would take too long, and besides, we can't tell what's being said in every part of the film.  Remember, the original film is amateur.

2. Like I said before, this film is amateur.  Don't expect a Hollywood-grade production when you watch this film.  The quality of sound and the occasional imagery is not crystal clear at times...and that's without the level of acting we had back then...

3. Acting.  We weren't professionals in 1998.

4. Soundtrack.  We have added some music to the intro and credits sequence to give it a little more character.  This is the only place you'll hear music, except for one particular scene near the end.

5. There is an outtake from this film.  It has been mentioned a few times in past recordings we've done (e.g. the "Comic Wit" album's commentary tracks).  This will be an outtake video to be released at a later date as it doesn't really fit into the final production very well.  However, there is one part of the video that was considered to be an outtake, but we've included it...

6. There is a post-credits scene...

7. Commentaries - I plan on making a version of the film using our commentary that we recorded back in 2008, marking the project's 10th anniversary.  This commentary is included on the album already, but putting it on top of the video will finally give you an image of what we're talking about.  In saying that, this version will be based on the raw, unedited video as that is what we were watching at the time.  A second commentary version recorded this year is a possibility.  Will keep you posted about that one...

So, there you have it.  Here's hoping we'll have a release date for the film very soon.

Want a sneak peek at the upcoming "Comic Wit" video?
Need some proof that it actually exists (as if the album wasn't enough)?
Of course you do...BOOM! TRAILER!

P.S. Jared apologises for the hair...

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present to you the next of Forbes' stories, freely available to you exclusively on this website.  We give you "The Demented Department: House for Sale".

In this story, we follow a small group of unpopular, outcast teenage boys trying to make their lives in high school a little more tolerable.  "House for Sale" sees the group plotting a prank against their mathematics teacher involving computer hacking and a bit of old-fashioned theft and vandalism.

What will happen to them?  Do they get caught?  Find out over the next 4 weeks as we present all 5 parts of the story to you each week (the final 2 parts will be made available simultaneously).

Head on over to the Stories section in the site's toolbar, or click on the button below to be taken there.

Happy reading!

Part 1 - Available now!
Part 2 - May 12th.
Part 3 - May 19th.
Parts 4 & 5 - May 26th.

First week of June will have no stories/chapters.

A couple new additions to the website have appeared.  You won't want to miss them!

The first can be found in the Videos section under "Misc. Videos" - a "Downfall" parody made by Gary Fox.

And the second is on the Links page under our network links - Gary's comic, "No World Order".

Enjoy!