Hey there everybody!  It is just me, you know, the Weasel!  I have some more info, I guess.  People love information and I love giving it.

I am currently putting the finishing touches to a medieval story that is titled "An Unusual Case", and it’s rather long so will take a while to run through online.  I hadn’t planned on making this an online release, but have decided to let it go this way, just because.  Sometimes life doesn’t have to make sense.  Sometimes things just are.

The new idea for my next story came to me today as I was at work.  As an amateur writer I sometimes have flashes, and those flashes can inspire me towards an idea.  Today I had one of those flashes and it was awesome.

This flash came in the form of one word and that word was 'pokerface'.  Yes, you heard or saw me right.  Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how this whole Internet thing works.  Am I writing you a letter that you’ll read at another time?  Am I talking to you like a speaker in a conference?  I dunno.  I get really confused and then I’m asking the cat for advice and that never goes well because the advice always leads to drinking.

What was I saying?  Oh, that’s right.  Pokerface.  Yes, the word that will lead to a story, hopefully.  One can always hope.  I saw that word today in some magazine or book.  It doesn’t matter where I saw it just that I saw it and that led to a vison of a master criminal.  Think Batman-style.  He will take over a city, probably Gosney (not the music project).  If he’s a master criminal then he will face a master superhero, or superheroes.  I have three lined up so far.  Weaselmask, a man in a suit with a mask of a weasel.  His superpowers are yet to be decided.  But he will be cool, more of a hand to hand fighter, I’m thinking.  Next is Duckforce, a man in blue spandex with chest armour to match the spandex.  His powers will be more traditional.  Maybe something do to with the water so I can connect him to a duck?  Yeah, it’s a stretch but I’ll work on it.  The third is an old favourite of mine.  This was a superhero created by my old friend Tim Wood, and I’ve made adjustments to him over the years.  He’s called Spiderface, and he’s kinda like an activist version of Spiderman.  His powers are more celestial, more like an atheist angel, you could say.  I want to add more superheroes, make this like an avenger’s kind of thing.  Pokerface is gonna be one tough duuuuude to bring down and will need a team dedicated to this goal.  I have a couple of ideas but I need to ratify things before I give anything away.

Will keep you guys up to speed. Peace out.

Weasel

Howdy!  This won’t be long, I assure you of that!  I thought I’d give you a little heads-up about what I’ve been up to and it really hasn’t been all that much.  I’ve been writing some blogs, which have been kindly uploaded by the wonderful Duckman from time to time, and ranging in different subject matter from randomness to actual issues, such as politics.

I have been working on completing a short story, but it’s been hard work.  Writing has been difficult for the past six months or so.  The ideas are still there but the ability to make those ideas flow onto paper, so to speak, has not been as easy.  But I am trying.

Duckman and I have not been doing much collaboration, I’m sorry to say, and we’re both to blame on that.  The reality is we are both adults with busy lives, and what was easy ten years ago is significantly more difficult now.  I have used the word difficult quite a bit, so we will make that the word of the day.  In the beginning we would meet up twice a week and do stuff and things would be great, fantastic, but now there’s work, family commitments, social commitments and other projects that keep us from finding the time.  I don’t say this as an excuse, but more to try and explain the ‘difficulties’ in making a venture like this work.  We are still doing stuff, but in our own individual capacities.

I am hoping between now and Christmas we will be able to put some material together and provide a release schedule, which would be nice.  The time frame is tight, as Duckman traditionally shuts down for a while between Christmas and late January/early February.  That would give us just under four months?  Yes, that sounds about right.  Most likely we produce the material and hopefully start a release plan around March?  That would be my preferred plan in any case.

It’s interesting how time flies by without realising that is what’s happening.  I have my current story - a crime/action medieval short story, which should be ready soon-ish.  I plan on trying to get a few together by Christmas.  I hope that both Duckman and I can put together a small surplus of material - i.e. blogs, stories, reviews, etc - and be able to release some material over the majority of that ‘vacation’ period.

Well, that’s all I really have to say for now. There are some cool ideas in the mix and I’m sure you’ll love what we come up with. So until next time, stay cool amigos!!

Weasel

Hello there!  It is I, the Weasel from the land of nonsense here to brighten you day once again!  Today I am thinking about a lot of things, but the most prominent thing rattling around in my head is this idea I’ve had for a number of years.  That idea is more of a story type of an idea that I call "Duckwars", and it is totally awesome.

I go running a bit.  It’s a good way to keep in shape, well better shape than I might be in if I didn’t run, ha!  Anyway, when I go running I do a bit of thinking.  It’s one way to get your mind off the crippling pain of exercise.  But I digress.  Let’s move on.  I usually run along the beautiful banks of this wonderful country and I saw a group of ducks.  I thought to myself, “Ducks are awesome.”  I also thought to myself, "What if these ducks were in a war and that war was called the Duckwars?"  So, yes I’m completely nuts and I think ducks are pretty cool, and I will be that crazy duck guy down by the river with the crusty bread calling out to them.  I will be the dude that you will be avoiding like the plague...or is that plaque?  No, it’s plague.  Yes, I’m sure of that.

So, this story/idea of mine involves a lot of ducks, as you can imagine.  I imagine the ducks are the dominant species on earth in a post-apocalyptic version of this world.  They have also been mutated by radiation to an extent that they look 'humanic'. Humanic is something that I just came up with.  I’m adding it to the dictionary.  The few surviving humans rise up against the ducks.  I know what you’re thinking.  You're thinking this sounds a lot like "Planet of the Apes" and that I’m just ripping off one of the classic movies of all time, and that Charlton Heston should find me and shoot me in the face with one of his many, many guns.  But I never said that I actually wrote this story, and in my defence I didn’t want to get on the wrong side of Mr. Heston.  That guy is one scary old dude.  Is he still alive?  I have actually no idea.  But he is old, that much I am completely sure of.  I just had an idea for a story that is similar to something that had already been done, and I think ducks would be a much cooler animal to take over the planet than bloody monkeys.  Ducks are awesome.

Nope, this isn’t a long piece.  Just wanted to share something that was on my mind.  I know how much you enjoy my banter and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of something that brought so, so much pleasure to your lives.  If you reckon I should write this story, let me know.  If enough people give me the motivation, I will do it and lock my door so Old Man Heston can’t get to me.  Might give him Duckman’s address!  Hahaha!!!


-Weasel-

So, me and the dentist, you know, the campaign manager for the Dudeman Party and the #2 guy on my party list were sitting at a café in Christchurch drinking coffee and arguing about our policy release…  Policy.  Erm, yeah.  Well, we actually got kicked out.  When I say we were throwing ideas back and forth, I really mean we were throwing chairs back and forth at each other.  The dentist had a whisky flask full of… erm, whisky, and he poured it into our coffee so we were drinking it Irish-style, and then we were arguing and laying into each other Irish-style.  Well, the dentist was taking the hits like an Irishman.

So, we were sitting on the curb bleeding, sore and still wanting to beat the hell out of each other, but the dentist said that might be a bad idea since a large crowd was looking at us.  I suggested I could turn this into an on the spot get to know the candidate type of thing.  The dentist didn’t think that was a good idea considering how bruised and bloody were were.  So, I just told the crowd to vote for the Dudeman Party and me, and the dentist just limped away to his car.

The dentist is continuing to crunch the numbers and reckons our café intense meeting didn’t hurt our image as the people’s party, even though we can’t go back to that particular café.  I have to say the health system is quite cool as both the dentist and I got patched up very nicely and I was able to get a few nurses numbers.  The dentist was uneasy about this as he reckons this isn’t a good look for a wannabe politician.  But those nurses were hot and I’m good with woman who are healing my broken body.  I may have been a little drunk when I was hitting on those girls.  Most of them were girls... I think…

Every day on the campaign trail is an opportunity to talk about the party, about our vision and for stress between party leaders to spill over.  The dentist and I have had a few punch-ups and a few trips to the hospital.  He has suggested we get a party doctor.  Someone to patch us up after one of our hardcore debates.  He is worried all these bust-ups and trips to the hospital will affect our family-friendly image.  I suggested that we stop drinking and getting angry and, you know, hitting each other!  He wasn’t sold on that idea, especially the drinking thing.  I think he might have a problem.  I suggested Alcoholics Anonymous, but he punched me and then I threw a table at him, then one thing lead to another and we ended up in hospital again.

But things are going well.  I’m getting out there and seeing the people and pushing my policies forward onto the masses.  Just have to nut out the issues with my campaign manager.


Cheers.
-Weasel-

Hey there!  I thought I’d continue my focus on politics, considering here in New Zealand we’re having our general elections.  You might remember my political party, the Dudeman Party.  Last time we talked about some of this parties policies.  You know, health with my regenerative technology, crime and the Robocops.

This time let’s talk numbers.  I’ve crunched the numbers.  Pretty sure I mentioned that last time.  But yeah, I’ve crunched the numbers.  I’m standing in Christchurch east-south-west-north-central sideways.  I got a pretty good chance of winning that seat.  There’s only one other candidate.  His name’s Brian and he’s a dog.  Hmm, that might be a television character.  In any case, I think I might win that seat and enter parliament.  But there is a question that my campaign manager had raised.  The question of the party vote.  If I get over one percent of the general public to vote for the Dudeman Party, then I could bring a friend into parliament with me!  How cool is that?  I’ve seen what one Member of Parliament can do but imagine what two could do!

But there is a problem and I tried explaining this to the dentist.  That is what my campaign manager calls himself - the dentist - like some kind of big time mob gangster, but I think he’s been watching Doctor Who way too much.  I mean, he calls himself the dentist.  He’s not my dentist.  Haven’t been to the dentist for a while.

Anyway, I’m getting off topic.  I have a problem and I tried to explain this to the dentist.  I don’t have any friends.  What if I get the required party vote and they say, “Ok, you.  Bring three of your mates to the Beehive.”  I’d have to say, “Um, I don’t have any mates.”

That would be hugely embarrassing wouldn’t it?  They might laugh at me.  Maybe they might say that I NEED to bring three people with me and I would have to go outside onto the street and try to talk people into coming with me to the capital.  I suppose I could bring the dentist with me.  He’s a cool guy and he’s working really hard.  I also suppose I could bring Duckman, but I don’t think he likes politicians, so that could be weird.  I’m not sure he’s a big fan of my policies and it could be problematic getting him to support funding for my big black dildo policy.

Anyway, I’m really excited to bring more of the vision of this party to the public and get people behind it, but in a good wholesome way.  Not in the old man at the park kind of way.

I might talk more on our policies in this next volume.  I think you all might like that.  I got a lot of positive feedback from the policies we released.  Well, the dentist told me that it was positive and he doesn’t lie to me. He’s my campaign manager! He’s all good! Well, unless you need work done on your teeth. I made that mistake once. He’s not a very good dentist.

Weasel

Howdy there folks!  Hope everyone is having a grand ol' time.  I’d do a smiley face but you can’t really do that kinda thing in this blog, which is disappointing.  I like doing things like that all the time!

Anyway, the reason for today’s rant, or talk, is politics.  Right now in New Zealand we’re having our general elections to decide who shall form the executive for the next four years.  I won’t be going into specifics here because I think I rant about who I think should or shouldn’t win is rather boring and I don’t believe in forcing my political opinions upon others.  But what I shall do is talk about a dream of mine.  I have devised a political party.  It’s not registered, I don’t have the necessary five hundred paid up members or even any members whatsoever, but I do have a vision and I think you might like it.

My party is called the Dudeman Party.  It’s a party for the people by the people, and the Dudeman Party has a vison of awesomeness for the country.  Considering certain political parties do a lot with but a single member being representative in parliament, I thought why bother with other members?  I can do this by myself!

You are probably thinking to yourself, "What are your policies?  What do you stand for?"  These are good questions and I will endeavour to answer them to the best of my abilities!

We stand for awesomeness and all that inspires awesomeness.  I’ve crunched the numbers with Calvert and we are pretty sure that our numbers stack up.  I got the papers to prove it.  Graphs and everything.  It’s like an episode of Doctor Who.

In health we will make regeneration technology and heal people from all diseases.  The technology is there.  We just have to make it!  This will cut down on hospital stays, which means less beds and less hospital food which everyone hates!  I’m sure you have some very obvious questions.  You will be asking how this regeneration technology will be developed.  The next time The Doctor visits us we will ask him to give us the technology.  I will bake him some cookies.  Cookies are good.

Education, I feel, is in a good place and not much is needed.  But maybe we need to develop some cranial data transference devices to help those losers catch up with the winners.  Let’s make all the children winners.

Policing should head down the Robocop direction.  Lets make some kickass cyborg dudes to take crime down hardcore.  This would include awesome guns and the ability to smash through walls.  That would be rad.  The courts would be abolished.  Lawyers to be killed in bonfires.  The Robocops would dispense justice on the spot.  As they would act as judges and executioners there would be no appeals and no sentences.  Crime, I believe, would go down and repeat offending just wouldn’t happen, obviously!

I recognise these policies may seem radical to some, but I think most rational people would support my line of thought.  Nothing I have suggested here is impossible, really?  I think everything I have put forward would make this world of ours a great place to live!

Look for the Dudeman Party.  It’s a one-man show.  Well, I do have a horse and a donkey and there used to be a giraffe, but after a drinking session things got out of hand and there was an ‘issue’ that I legally can’t speak of.  My lawyer won’t let me.  In fact, he isn’t a big fan of my crime and policing policy.  I think it’s the whole burning the lawyers thing.  Ah, well.  You can’t please all the people all the time can you?

-Weasel-

I’m in the middle of another piece but I feel like I need to say something about the death of Robin Williams.  I took a few days to try and comprehend this so I wouldn’t be too emotional.  You see, I suffer from mental illness and understand the struggles with dealing with it.  For those who don’t suffer, it’s hard to get your head around the issue and to understand how it is for someone suffering.

I was on a lunch break at work in the cafeteria and logged into Facebook and saw a link shared by a friend.  “Robin Williams dead, suspected suicide.”  I was shocked and thought, "Nah, this can’t be true", but there were so many links, so many friends upset by this tragedy that I had to accept it.  To say I was blown away would be an understatement.  I couldn’t believe it.  One of the funniest men of our age was dead and by suicide nonetheless.

Even here now writing this, I am welling up and getting emotional.  I loved him like most of us did.  He was there for me as a kid as I grew up.  He taught me to laugh, to be brave and to value what I had.  He showed me there was magic in the world and we must strive to find it.

I can’t do the man justice and would never even try to.  I have loved most of his movies and felt he was better at dramatic roles in a way.  My favourite roles were the ones where he became a little more human.  He was a funny man but his ability to make you feel, to touch your heart was his greatest skill.  His role in "Good Will Hunting" is absolutely fantastic.  I love that scene where he shows Hunting that to really love someone is to take them at their worst and embrace them.  Of course, like most others, I loved "Patch Adams", "Mrs. Doubtfire", "Good Morning Vietnam", "What dreams May Come".  As Duckman mentioned, the "Whose Line is it Anyway?" special was a favourite of mine.  His ability to think a 100 miles a second made Improvisation a natural to him and I remember that the other members had difficulty matching him on that occasion.  I think Ryan Styles had the best success and it was awesome to watch the two comedians try and out best each other.  It was probably Styles’ best performance and that was largely down to Williams’ forcing him to raise his game.

"What Dreams May Come" is probably my favourite because it was a bit different, very abstract, dealing with a man’s mission to find his wife.  The story is a little disconcerting now considering what happened to Williams, but still a great story.  Some would say "Dead Poets Society" would be their favourite and I will give respect to that.  I was very young when I first saw that and probably didn’t appreciate the whole message of the movie.  Maybe I will have to rewatch that one.  But my favourite role would be the counsellor role he played in "Good Will Hunting".  The movie is average until you put the Williams dynamic into it.  The scenes he has totally steal the movie away from the young guys.  One of the hardest things in counselling is getting into people’s heads.  Williams’s character does this in a very thoughtful way.  He plays a man who has lost a lot and in the process almost loses himself.  He has been there and done that and imparts upon this kid, Will Hunting, that he really knows nothing at all.  Williams makes you feel for his character.

Putting the movies aside and all the work he has done in comedy, televison (who can forget Mork?) and in charity, the worst part is the fact that he killed himself.  That part hurts the most.  I have been listening to a song called "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith.  The chorus: “Stay with me, because you're all I need.”  Sung by a full compliment of a choir just resonates with the feeling we have.  I just wish he could’ve in that moment realised that the love that so many people had for him and the love of his family was more than enough to find the light in the darkness.

I will cherish his memory and rewatch his iconic movies and maybe find that episode of "Whose Line is it Anyway?", because the best way to honour this man is to let him make us laugh again and again.

Duckman spoke of getting help if you need it.  If you need to talk to someone, do so.  Don’t let the darkness overcome you.  If you need to talk, message me or Duckman.  We’ll be happy to help in any way we can.  Remember, when someone ends their life in this way, we all lose.

Another thing, some people call suicide cowardly.  This is a lie and I will not stand for that kind of talk.  People dealing with depression are fighting a battle with life and sometimes they lose.  These people are heroes and should be supported not slandered.

That’s all I’m going to say.  I hope it’s enough.  If it isn’t, well I have no more words left in me and I think I’ve said what I needed to say, so I’ll leave it at that.  I hope you all appreciate life for the marvel it is.  Take the time to look at a tree, to hug a loved one, maybe give your mom a call and tell her how much you love her, eh?  Because you just never know what can happen.

-Weasel-

Howdy all you wonderful people!  I know how much you enjoy my ceaseless ranting about things, so I thought I’d rant some more!

I was chatting online as we all do, and I was talking about my world plan for domination.  I mean, we all have one of those.  Mine involves a guy named Gary Fox.  I’m hoping that you all know who I’m referring to as Gary is an artist that we associate with on our website.  And as you are all good little rabbits you have visited his page and checked out his cool artwork.  If you haven’t, then I am going to put you over my knee and I don’t mean in a sexual way.  I mean in the 1950’s "You’re in big trouble, mister" kind of way.

But I am getting off track here and I really shouldn’t.  Your time is valuable, my time is valuable, so I should just get down to business.  My plan for world domination.  The thing is I didn’t really have one until I started going on about it earlier on today, but I am incredibly imaginative and I like to freak out Gary Fox.  He knows one day I’m going to do stuff to him he just doesn’t know when or where.  Hahaha!!  Diabolical is what I aim for.

The plan comes in stages:

1. Kidnap Gary Fox.  I will probably do this when he’s at home.  I don’t really want witnesses.  Plus I will be dressed up as a woman to seduce him.  This isn’t really necessary but I like women’s clothing.

2. Build an army of militia.  As an all-round bad guy and all my knowledge of bad guys comes from watching TV, I need a team of highly trained badasses to do what I say.  Now, mind you, I don’t want the kind of bad guys from the 1960’s "Batman" series.  You know, the ones that Batman and Robin used to beat up rather easily.  My team have to be able to take down rich guys who want to dress up and have powerful toys.  I want my team to be able to beat these guys up with ease.

3. Build the world’s biggest black dildo.  This really speaks for itself, don’t you think?  But I am really bad at building things so I will need to get a scientist.  You know, someone good at building and creating large sexual objects.  I mean, this thing will be as big as the Taj Mahal!  It will require 1.21 gigawatts (just thought I’d throw a "Back to the Future" reference).  Oh!  Wouldn’t it be cool if this dildo that’s the size of a building could travel through time?  That would be awesome but it’s not a prerequisite for this plan, but maybe after I’ve dominated the world for a while I could travel back to Napoleonic times and do some stuff.

4. Get Gary Fox to draw it.  This isn’t essential, but I don’t want Gary to get bored while he’s locked up.  Maybe Duckman could spend some time with him for a while.

5. Turn the dildo on and see what happens, hehe…

6. Nothing happens because I got the scientist on the cheap!!  NO!!!

7. The combined militaries of England, France, Russia, China and America overcome my militia and I get arrested.  This isn’t how I thought this fantasy plan of mine would turn out.  I have been watching waaaaay too much "Roadrunner".

Hmm.  As the saying goes, I guess its back to the drawing board.  I think I might ponder on this for a bit and get back to you.  Hope life is treating you folks well

Ciao!

Forbes "Weasel" King.

Alright, sitting here listening to my favourite band, Klank, and getting clearly worked up about a lot of things, but let’s stay focused if we can.  But "Stomp You Out" has come on the playlist so, well, we’ll see.  I was out running the other day and I saw a truck with the company name ‘Treecorp’ on the side with the image of a tree behind it.  Really?  Treecorp?  I know what this company is - a dude cutting down trees or the branches.  A corporation is a multimillion dollar business with lawyers on call, vice presidents, and corner offices.  You get the general idea.  It is not a dude in a truck with a damn saw cutting down trees.  What gives some overweight, over-the-hill, bearded, dirty and bordering on alcoholism the right to think that their company is a corporation?  It is not a corporation.  It is a one man operation.  A dude wakes up in the morning and thinks, "OK, I have a saw and a van, cool.  I can create a corporation out of that.  Easy."  Is the 15-year-old who helps him out in the school holidays the freaken vice president?  Is his corner office in the back of the van?  What kinda perks do you get with a company like that?  Key to the bathroom?

I mean really.  Some people live in complete delusion.  A cold hard case of what Rowdy Roddy Piper would call a reality check is needed.  Don’t get me started on politics.  I could be here all day going off about what I think is wrong with people, but I will say that there is a lack of common decency in the political system and I also think it will never change.  New parties come to the forefront and promise to deal with the issues and say that they understand the issues and understand the voice of the people, but this is a lie.

I could go on about the quality of current affairs shows in this country of mine, but that would be pointless.  Last night I saw that the main story on a current affairs show was about a bird competition.  Yes, you read that right.  A bird competition.  Really?  Birds?  Who really cares?  I mean, birds are cool, but to have a competition featuring them seems loco.  And they have like a hundred judges for this thing.  Please excuse me while I shoot myself in the face.

This is why I don’t watch a lot of this type of thing.  Although, there are some that I do like.  The family/community minded current affairs doesn’t interest me at all.  Kind of like the friendly talk you get from the power companies as they charge you a small fortune for the power that you use.  Is it just me or is it becoming difficult to justify existence within this model that is modern urban living?

Then there is the situation in the international scene.  That is more screwed up than anything we are seeing in our own country.  Like the rebels that shot down that plane.  A plane that happened to come from the same airline that lost a plane four months ago and still hasn’t been found.  The whole situation has blown up in Russia's face and there is a certain humour to that.  Not for the families, and I feel for them, I really do, but there is a larger picture here.  The Russians armed the country for insurrection and the international community cared but not enough to do anything about that.  Then these ass-hats, untrained jerk-knobs decide to shoot down this plane full of Europeans.  The Russians have egg on their face because they created this environment.  Things will now happen because innocent people have died in the civil war that the Russians have instigated.

Getting a little too serious?  Yeah I agree.  Let’s talk about the Commonwealth Games!  It’s like the Olympics but without any of the big hitters.  No Americans, Chinese or Russians.  Basically, it’s a chance for the Queen of England...oh wait, the Scottish are still a part of her empire or whatever, and so it’s the Queen of the Commonwealth.  Commonwealth?  Really?  Is there an average wealth percentage within all of these countries that include some African states?  Really?  I think not.  I think these games are a joke, but I don’t really like the Olympics, so yeah.  But at least the Olympics has everyone.  What kind of world sports event has only half the countries that would usually be at a world sporting event?  But I suppose it’s a chance for other countries to win something.

Right, rant finished.  Whether you agree or not makes little difference to me.  Read or don’t read, do or don’t do, there is no try?  Whatever.

Peace, my homies.  I’m out.

-Forbes "Weasel" King-