I was chatting online as we all do, and I was talking about my world plan for domination. I mean, we all have one of those. Mine involves a guy named Gary Fox. I’m hoping that you all know who I’m referring to as Gary is an artist that we associate with on our website. And as you are all good little rabbits you have visited his page and checked out his cool artwork. If you haven’t, then I am going to put you over my knee and I don’t mean in a sexual way. I mean in the 1950’s "You’re in big trouble, mister" kind of way.
But I am getting off track here and I really shouldn’t. Your time is valuable, my time is valuable, so I should just get down to business. My plan for world domination. The thing is I didn’t really have one until I started going on about it earlier on today, but I am incredibly imaginative and I like to freak out Gary Fox. He knows one day I’m going to do stuff to him he just doesn’t know when or where. Hahaha!! Diabolical is what I aim for.
The plan comes in stages:
1. Kidnap Gary Fox. I will probably do this when he’s at home. I don’t really want witnesses. Plus I will be dressed up as a woman to seduce him. This isn’t really necessary but I like women’s clothing.
2. Build an army of militia. As an all-round bad guy and all my knowledge of bad guys comes from watching TV, I need a team of highly trained badasses to do what I say. Now, mind you, I don’t want the kind of bad guys from the 1960’s "Batman" series. You know, the ones that Batman and Robin used to beat up rather easily. My team have to be able to take down rich guys who want to dress up and have powerful toys. I want my team to be able to beat these guys up with ease.
3. Build the world’s biggest black dildo. This really speaks for itself, don’t you think? But I am really bad at building things so I will need to get a scientist. You know, someone good at building and creating large sexual objects. I mean, this thing will be as big as the Taj Mahal! It will require 1.21 gigawatts (just thought I’d throw a "Back to the Future" reference). Oh! Wouldn’t it be cool if this dildo that’s the size of a building could travel through time? That would be awesome but it’s not a prerequisite for this plan, but maybe after I’ve dominated the world for a while I could travel back to Napoleonic times and do some stuff.
4. Get Gary Fox to draw it. This isn’t essential, but I don’t want Gary to get bored while he’s locked up. Maybe Duckman could spend some time with him for a while.
5. Turn the dildo on and see what happens, hehe…
6. Nothing happens because I got the scientist on the cheap!! NO!!!
7. The combined militaries of England, France, Russia, China and America overcome my militia and I get arrested. This isn’t how I thought this fantasy plan of mine would turn out. I have been watching waaaaay too much "Roadrunner".
Hmm. As the saying goes, I guess its back to the drawing board. I think I might ponder on this for a bit and get back to you. Hope life is treating you folks well
Forbes "Weasel" King.