This time let’s talk numbers. I’ve crunched the numbers. Pretty sure I mentioned that last time. But yeah, I’ve crunched the numbers. I’m standing in Christchurch east-south-west-north-central sideways. I got a pretty good chance of winning that seat. There’s only one other candidate. His name’s Brian and he’s a dog. Hmm, that might be a television character. In any case, I think I might win that seat and enter parliament. But there is a question that my campaign manager had raised. The question of the party vote. If I get over one percent of the general public to vote for the Dudeman Party, then I could bring a friend into parliament with me! How cool is that? I’ve seen what one Member of Parliament can do but imagine what two could do!
But there is a problem and I tried explaining this to the dentist. That is what my campaign manager calls himself - the dentist - like some kind of big time mob gangster, but I think he’s been watching Doctor Who way too much. I mean, he calls himself the dentist. He’s not my dentist. Haven’t been to the dentist for a while.
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. I have a problem and I tried to explain this to the dentist. I don’t have any friends. What if I get the required party vote and they say, “Ok, you. Bring three of your mates to the Beehive.” I’d have to say, “Um, I don’t have any mates.”
That would be hugely embarrassing wouldn’t it? They might laugh at me. Maybe they might say that I NEED to bring three people with me and I would have to go outside onto the street and try to talk people into coming with me to the capital. I suppose I could bring the dentist with me. He’s a cool guy and he’s working really hard. I also suppose I could bring Duckman, but I don’t think he likes politicians, so that could be weird. I’m not sure he’s a big fan of my policies and it could be problematic getting him to support funding for my big black dildo policy.
Anyway, I’m really excited to bring more of the vision of this party to the public and get people behind it, but in a good wholesome way. Not in the old man at the park kind of way.
I might talk more on our policies in this next volume. I think you all might like that. I got a lot of positive feedback from the policies we released. Well, the dentist told me that it was positive and he doesn’t lie to me. He’s my campaign manager! He’s all good! Well, unless you need work done on your teeth. I made that mistake once. He’s not a very good dentist.