If I was a pirate, there would obviously be a lot of questions. The first is, "What is the mission statement on this ship?" I’m assuming there is a ship. We would be pretty pathetic pirates without a ship. You ravage a town and run back to the port and, erm, stand there. “Well, what now?” “I dunno. Maybe we should steal a horse?” “We got a lot of gold, dude! We can’t fit this all on Susan.” Yes, I called the horse Susan. Certain science fiction fans may get that reference. Gold star if you did. No prizes if you did, however.
I would imagine the attire for this ship, if we have one, would be a mixture of glam rock meets thrash metal of the eighties. We would look completely horrific. The British Navy wouldn’t want to board that mess of colour and hair! I was also playing around with the idea of having a live band on board, because I am such a fan of music and being at sea can be rather boring. Sure, the looting of a town is fun and cool, but once you get back out to sea...well, its just water isn’t it? That’s far from exciting. You can make entertainment for awhile by throwing your mates overboard, but that would wear pretty thin pretty quick and you might have a mutiny on your hands before too long.
I love the concept of a mutiny. It’s great. I mean, you have a crew of maybe thirty dudes that have questionable hygiene habits, and morality issues in the middle of nowhere on a bloody boat. It’s perfect. If people don’t like what you’re doing, it’s not like you can call in for reinforcements or flee somewhere. You’re on a boat in the middle of the ocean. You’re kinda stuck or incarcerated.
But the best way to keep your crew onside is to pay them, and the best way to do that is to find other ships and attack them. Obviously looting a town is the number one thing I’d like to do, but second would be attacking a ship. Boarding a dudes ship and looting, that would be very cool. After I’ve taken everything I want, I’d scuttle the deck, head below deck and scuttle that too! Sinking the boat is the best way to send these asses a message. Being in the middle of the ocean without a boat is not the best way to end the day, and did I mention the sharks? Oops, sorry but that is going to hurt!
The key to being a good pirate is to be a rich pirate. Poor pirates are angry pirates and captain’s are apt to be thrown overboard. Capitalism is alive and well on the high seas. Drop out of school and become a badass criminal at sea. Sounds like a good life choice providing you don’t mind the smell of twenty-nine other stinking, unhygienic men who drink too much whisky. But if people get drunk, you could throw them overboard, couldn’t you? Hmm, some things to ponder.
Catch you guys later!