Anyway, the reason for today’s rant, or talk, is politics. Right now in New Zealand we’re having our general elections to decide who shall form the executive for the next four years. I won’t be going into specifics here because I think I rant about who I think should or shouldn’t win is rather boring and I don’t believe in forcing my political opinions upon others. But what I shall do is talk about a dream of mine. I have devised a political party. It’s not registered, I don’t have the necessary five hundred paid up members or even any members whatsoever, but I do have a vision and I think you might like it.
My party is called the Dudeman Party. It’s a party for the people by the people, and the Dudeman Party has a vison of awesomeness for the country. Considering certain political parties do a lot with but a single member being representative in parliament, I thought why bother with other members? I can do this by myself!
You are probably thinking to yourself, "What are your policies? What do you stand for?" These are good questions and I will endeavour to answer them to the best of my abilities!
We stand for awesomeness and all that inspires awesomeness. I’ve crunched the numbers with Calvert and we are pretty sure that our numbers stack up. I got the papers to prove it. Graphs and everything. It’s like an episode of Doctor Who.
In health we will make regeneration technology and heal people from all diseases. The technology is there. We just have to make it! This will cut down on hospital stays, which means less beds and less hospital food which everyone hates! I’m sure you have some very obvious questions. You will be asking how this regeneration technology will be developed. The next time The Doctor visits us we will ask him to give us the technology. I will bake him some cookies. Cookies are good.
Education, I feel, is in a good place and not much is needed. But maybe we need to develop some cranial data transference devices to help those losers catch up with the winners. Let’s make all the children winners.
Policing should head down the Robocop direction. Lets make some kickass cyborg dudes to take crime down hardcore. This would include awesome guns and the ability to smash through walls. That would be rad. The courts would be abolished. Lawyers to be killed in bonfires. The Robocops would dispense justice on the spot. As they would act as judges and executioners there would be no appeals and no sentences. Crime, I believe, would go down and repeat offending just wouldn’t happen, obviously!
I recognise these policies may seem radical to some, but I think most rational people would support my line of thought. Nothing I have suggested here is impossible, really? I think everything I have put forward would make this world of ours a great place to live!
Look for the Dudeman Party. It’s a one-man show. Well, I do have a horse and a donkey and there used to be a giraffe, but after a drinking session things got out of hand and there was an ‘issue’ that I legally can’t speak of. My lawyer won’t let me. In fact, he isn’t a big fan of my crime and policing policy. I think it’s the whole burning the lawyers thing. Ah, well. You can’t please all the people all the time can you?