This shuttle van pulls up to the bus stop. Really? This is a friggin' bus stop. It’s for buses! Not wannabe soccer mums! Pull out, don’t pull in. Moving onto another subject, our two main stationery shops over here in New Zealand have quite different marketing methods for the holiday of Santa, which is Christmas. One involves a bunch of singing, super happy retailers, which is highly unbelievable. I’ve been into this particular chain of stores and this is most certainly not the case. You can’t buy some decent help from these people. The other chain involves a big, green monster that steals carrots from snowmen. I go with the big monster every time. Wouldn’t it be awesome to buy a book from a store operated by big, green monsters with carrots for noses? Nothing says Christmas quite like "Club Tropicana" coming on the radio at work. Girls, sunny beaches and alcohol. Sounds like Christmas to me.
What is it with people in supermarkets? They meet up and it’s like a bloody reunion! Like they haven’t seen this person for twenty years and somehow they run into them in the bloody dairy section at their local market. It’s like, "Good to see you, matey." I, on the other hand, avoid people like the plague in a supermarket. I’m there to get my milk and bread. I’m doing my shopping and I see somebody, I drop my stuff and run. Yes, you got that right. I actually run. I’m out of that place like it was Hiroshima (too soon?).
I’m half convinced that half the people in mobility scooters are fat people who are lazy. But that’s just me.
I have been informed by a friend that there is such a thing as a 'blowbot'. Yes, you did hear/read me right. You might be wondering what that is. The majority of you won’t really want to know, I can guarantee that, but this is Christmas and I’m in a giving mood, so I’ll share. A 'blowbot' is a robot that blows. You may be like me and wondering to yourself, "What is the 'blowbot' blowing?" Those type of questions are best left unanswered. I’ve done some research and this doesn’t end well, let me assure you. Who comes up with this kind of thing? Do scientists wake up in the morning thinking, "You know what? I’m going to build a robot that can give me a blowjob." These kind of scientists don’t have girlfriends. This much is as certain as the nose on Duckman’s face (whatever that means).
Mimes are the most hated performer on the planet. Well, to me they are and whose opinion is more well-known than mine? Anyway, I get off track sometimes. Mimes. Yes, mimes. What exactly are these retards doing? Are they building an imaginary house? With an imaginary hammer and nails? I suppose they got an imaginary building consent from the imaginary council. They put themselves in that pretend box, but it won’t protect them from a kick to the balls by me.
The story of King Arthur is awesome. You know, the story of a dude who pulls a sword out of rock and becomes king. This is a great way to determine government. You can run this country if you can pull this sword out of this rock. I bet most of our current leaders would be out of a job based upon this system.
I was watching a comedy clip on TV and it showed two guys in a boxing match, fighting it out with blindfolds on. This is an interesting concept until the referee tries to get a rope break. This is where the opponents grapple each other in an embrace on the rope boundaries of the ring. The blinded competitors mistake the referee for their opponent and begin punching the ref from both sides as he gets in between them. Seriously! How could you not see this coming from a mile away (without the blindfold)? Really? Did the promoter have to offer some big money for a ref to get into the ring with two big, powerful, angry men who were blindfolded?
Well, that’s it for this edition. I’ve had my drink and have told you some yarns. Hopefully it was entertaining. If not, well, what can I say?
Check out the website, the links and everything else. We will endeavour to be putting more up here when we can, and have a Merry Christmas wherever you are in the world!